Tusk Talk

with Tusk Harper

Dear Tusk,

I think my dog is a Democrat. He always seems to go around the neighborhood, giving all of the other pets the bones that I give him. Let’s face it: I work hard to make money to buy Sir Mortimus the bones, and yet he prances around giving it away like these other pooches are entitled. How do I teach my dog to avoid the entitlement mindset?

From: Flippin’ in Fulton

Dear Flippin’,

Ah, here we go again: the old liberal vs. conservative, dog vs. cat debate. Call me overly optimistic or simple, but I genuinely believe that every pooch placed on this planet has the right to the pursuit of his or her own happiness. Freedom, treats, and belly rubs are not just for humans. I suggest calling a local conservative dog trainer and allowing this person to use gentle force in training Sir Mortimus that we can never be free if we’re giving hand-outs to some poodle from across the border. Worst case scenario: you can always build a fence.

Dear Tusk,

My Republican friends always seem to make fun of me for loving the song “Don’t Stop (Thinking About Tomorrow).” Is it heresy to be a Fleetwood Mac fan?

From: Rocker in Rochester

Dear Rocker,

There are many “rumours” about whether or not Republicans should listen to hippie music. I, personally, don’t think it is such a dire situation that a “landslide” will bring you down. However, I think such notions are but a “mirage.” Take it from Tusk – you’re better off listening to Fleetwood Mac than you are listening to that “black magic woman” Celine Dion.

Have a question? Write to Tusk at tuskharper@yahoo.com